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ahkaOn Friday, I attended full day conference at the Adler Graduate School where Adlerian masters presented Adlerian teachings. Most of the attendees were either students of the school, alumni or instructors. A lot of the alumni were the instructors. The atmosphere was wonderful! Everyone was ready to help each other selflessly. The Adlerian jargon was flying right and left, for example everyone spoke about horizontal and vertical planes, Social Interest with its larger meaning behind the two words. As an outsider it was very interesting to listen and get to the point of understanding the jargon. By the 2nd breakout session I got it :).
Adlerian theory teaches that we are all social beings and whatever we do has a social meaning and goal if we lack social interest we become incomplete and prone to mental disorders. For more details and more comprehensive definition I would quote the specialists --Stain and Edwards explained “If people have developed social interest at the affective level, they are likely to feel a deep belonging to the human race and, as a result, are able to empathize with their fellow humans. They can then feel very much at home on the earth -- accepting both the comforts as well as the discomforts of life” (Central Concept: Feeling of Community, 2nd per).
Adler introduced a lot of important concepts and there are many books that talk about the philosophy and this theory. It is very interesting but I will skip it and get to the point of the Friday’s sessions.
Betty Lou Bettner, PhD was a guest presenter who came from PA. Her session was about Developing Social Interest in Children. She started the session with discussion of basic principles and identified that people with pathology are often discouraged people.
People who are socially healthy:
Belong or Connected – Need others, “I have place,” feel secure;
Improve or Capable – Need to be self sufficient, “I can do it,” feel competent;
Significance or Count – Need to be needed, “I can make a difference,” feel valuable;
Encouragement or Courage – Need to be resilient, “I can handle it,” hopeful;
She called those concepts the 4 big Cs – Connected, Capable, Count, Courage.
For each of those concepts she asked us to remember stories from our early years of life that made a difference:
Who provided a sense of connection in your life and how? Who needed you?
Who said or did things that allowed you to feel good about yourself? (what was it?)
Who asked for help or let you help? Or Remember a time when you saw a need and provided a solution that was helpful to others.
Remember a time when you gave something to someone in need. What did you give? How did it help the other person? How did you feel about giving it?
Just taking time to think about answers to these questions and come up with the short stories will point out to us how we have lived all our lives, what we value and what expectations in life we have! Not all of us had positive experiences with those concepts and those negative experiences still guide our lives unless we re-analyzed them, made conclusions, and acted upon.
Discussing early childhood recollections brought us to the topic of the session, how can we help our children feel the 4 Cs? The presenter identified that the childhood is not the happiest time of our lives! In childhood we are fighting our inferiority to older kids or adults and of course developing physically and mentally.
Dr. Bettner gave a simple conclusion that children need to feel as if they count, that they are needed, valued, taken seriously.
She pointed out 15 strategies that can help promote social interest in children:
1. Play non-competitive, cooperative games. Competition in relationships is deadly.
2. Give up perfectionism in dealing with children. Perfectionism can eliminate interest in others.
3. Hold family/classroom meetings—to give compliments, pick jobs, plan fun activities together.
4. Point out strengths (social, athletic, culinary, mechanical, helping others, physical, manners, caring behaviors, etc.)
5. Say thank you for help child provides (you’re such a help to this family!) Set an example by responding to the distress of others.
6. Develop family projects to help others (pick uplitter from your street; prepare and take a meal to a sick neighbor; get involved in events to raise money for charities).
7. Have children tutor other children or read to younger ones.
8. Two or three times each year go through toys and clothes to see what could be given to families and children in need.
9. Adopt a family through a Children and Youth Services in your town and provide items they need (food, books, clothes).
10. Ask a child for advice (only if you are going to take the advice.)
11. Do group activities (The more one feels a part of a group, the less likely she/he will develop feelings of inferiority.)
12. Look at your standards and expectations. Check to see if they are too high or too low.
13. Look for the Logic Behind the Mistakes. Mistakes are often very logical—incorrect, but logical. Developmental psychologist, Jean Piaget cautioned us to, “Become more interested in WHY a child answered as she did rather then WHAT the answer was.” Instead of looking for the right answer, look for analyzing ability, critical thinking, good judgment, effort, and improvement.
14. Focus on the positive, on the good part, on how far you have come.
15. Be warm and empathic towards the child. Children who form a secure attachment to parents see the world as a safe place and tend to feel good about themselves and respond to the needs of others.
In addition to that, Dr. Bettner made some interesting remarks. She pointed out that people who are helpers have hard time receiving help from others. (It sounds pretty true even for myself).
People often come to therapy or to their friends to complain about someone else, not themselves. (It is "never" our fault ).
Abuse and neglect, pampering, feeling sorry, overprotecting = Inhibits Social Interest!
To raise an independent child developmental formula:
1. Parent does
2. Parent does with the child’s help
3. Child does with the parent’s help
4. Child does the job
Dr. Bettner suggested that child allowance should not be connected with the chores that they do around the house. Allowance must be allowance and work around the house should be as part of being a member of the family, being needed and contributing for the family’s good!
References:
Bettner, B.I. (2008). Developing Social Interest in Children. Presentation on October 3rd, 2008 at the Adlerian Master’s event. Adler Graduate School, MN.
Stein, H.J. & Edwards, M.E. (n.d.) Classical Adlerian theory and practice. Retrived on October 5, 2008 from http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/hstein/theoprac.htm .
A.G.
Adlerian theory teaches that we are all social beings and whatever we do has a social meaning and goal if we lack social interest we become incomplete and prone to mental disorders. For more details and more comprehensive definition I would quote the specialists --Stain and Edwards explained “If people have developed social interest at the affective level, they are likely to feel a deep belonging to the human race and, as a result, are able to empathize with their fellow humans. They can then feel very much at home on the earth -- accepting both the comforts as well as the discomforts of life” (Central Concept: Feeling of Community, 2nd per).
Adler introduced a lot of important concepts and there are many books that talk about the philosophy and this theory. It is very interesting but I will skip it and get to the point of the Friday’s sessions.
Betty Lou Bettner, PhD was a guest presenter who came from PA. Her session was about Developing Social Interest in Children. She started the session with discussion of basic principles and identified that people with pathology are often discouraged people.
People who are socially healthy:
Belong or Connected – Need others, “I have place,” feel secure;
Improve or Capable – Need to be self sufficient, “I can do it,” feel competent;
Significance or Count – Need to be needed, “I can make a difference,” feel valuable;
Encouragement or Courage – Need to be resilient, “I can handle it,” hopeful;
She called those concepts the 4 big Cs – Connected, Capable, Count, Courage.
For each of those concepts she asked us to remember stories from our early years of life that made a difference:
Who provided a sense of connection in your life and how? Who needed you?
Who said or did things that allowed you to feel good about yourself? (what was it?)
Who asked for help or let you help? Or Remember a time when you saw a need and provided a solution that was helpful to others.
Remember a time when you gave something to someone in need. What did you give? How did it help the other person? How did you feel about giving it?
Just taking time to think about answers to these questions and come up with the short stories will point out to us how we have lived all our lives, what we value and what expectations in life we have! Not all of us had positive experiences with those concepts and those negative experiences still guide our lives unless we re-analyzed them, made conclusions, and acted upon.
Discussing early childhood recollections brought us to the topic of the session, how can we help our children feel the 4 Cs? The presenter identified that the childhood is not the happiest time of our lives! In childhood we are fighting our inferiority to older kids or adults and of course developing physically and mentally.
Dr. Bettner gave a simple conclusion that children need to feel as if they count, that they are needed, valued, taken seriously.
She pointed out 15 strategies that can help promote social interest in children:
1. Play non-competitive, cooperative games. Competition in relationships is deadly.
2. Give up perfectionism in dealing with children. Perfectionism can eliminate interest in others.
3. Hold family/classroom meetings—to give compliments, pick jobs, plan fun activities together.
4. Point out strengths (social, athletic, culinary, mechanical, helping others, physical, manners, caring behaviors, etc.)
5. Say thank you for help child provides (you’re such a help to this family!) Set an example by responding to the distress of others.
6. Develop family projects to help others (pick uplitter from your street; prepare and take a meal to a sick neighbor; get involved in events to raise money for charities).
7. Have children tutor other children or read to younger ones.
8. Two or three times each year go through toys and clothes to see what could be given to families and children in need.
9. Adopt a family through a Children and Youth Services in your town and provide items they need (food, books, clothes).
10. Ask a child for advice (only if you are going to take the advice.)
11. Do group activities (The more one feels a part of a group, the less likely she/he will develop feelings of inferiority.)
12. Look at your standards and expectations. Check to see if they are too high or too low.
13. Look for the Logic Behind the Mistakes. Mistakes are often very logical—incorrect, but logical. Developmental psychologist, Jean Piaget cautioned us to, “Become more interested in WHY a child answered as she did rather then WHAT the answer was.” Instead of looking for the right answer, look for analyzing ability, critical thinking, good judgment, effort, and improvement.
14. Focus on the positive, on the good part, on how far you have come.
15. Be warm and empathic towards the child. Children who form a secure attachment to parents see the world as a safe place and tend to feel good about themselves and respond to the needs of others.
In addition to that, Dr. Bettner made some interesting remarks. She pointed out that people who are helpers have hard time receiving help from others. (It sounds pretty true even for myself).
People often come to therapy or to their friends to complain about someone else, not themselves. (It is "never" our fault ).
Abuse and neglect, pampering, feeling sorry, overprotecting = Inhibits Social Interest!
To raise an independent child developmental formula:
1. Parent does
2. Parent does with the child’s help
3. Child does with the parent’s help
4. Child does the job
Dr. Bettner suggested that child allowance should not be connected with the chores that they do around the house. Allowance must be allowance and work around the house should be as part of being a member of the family, being needed and contributing for the family’s good!
References:
Bettner, B.I. (2008). Developing Social Interest in Children. Presentation on October 3rd, 2008 at the Adlerian Master’s event. Adler Graduate School, MN.
Stein, H.J. & Edwards, M.E. (n.d.) Classical Adlerian theory and practice. Retrived on October 5, 2008 from http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/hstein/theoprac.htm .
A.G.
