ahka | 19 years in USA

Today is 19 years since we emigrated from Kiev and made it to our final destination, Twin Cities, Minnesota. I often joke with my clients and tell them that I am Minnesotan now; I have lived more than half of my life here.

There were so many difficulties for me and all members of my family during the first 10 years. All of the struggles that we experienced don’t seem to exist today. Many times I need to remind myself of those days when I didn’t speak any English, when I did not believe that I was smart enough to learn different languages, when I struggled in college trying to translate every single word from the book with English /Russian dictionary for hours without any meaningful result. It was very frustrating and embarrassing that I spent so many hours doing my homework and I couldn’t learn anything. All those translated words did not make any sense.

I was embarrassed that I didn’t understand something; I pretended that I understood everything. However, internally I was anxious and terrified that people will find out that I have no clue what is going on. I kept going and going. Most of the time I feel like first 10 years of emigration for me was like for the frog who got into the jar of milk and got out of it only because it kept moving none stop until milk turned into butter. I kept struggling; I kept advocating for myself because no one else could do it for me, I worked and studied and went out with friends. Life was boiling and many times it was very hurtful and I cried. There were a lot of relationships, break ups, dropped classes, unpleasant rejection letters, negative balances at the bank, broken cheap used -cars, etc.

I was so jealous of people who were born in America and who could speak and understand English and who seemed to have all of the luxuries in their lives and opportunities. I was so bitter that they had it better and easier than I did.

When I finally got accepted into the U of MN and I was walking on campus of the university as one of the students, I was so proud of myself and enjoyed those moments like no one else did. I never imagined that I, a girl that is not very smart, shy, “a dancer without brains,” could possibly become a college student, let alone a university student studying in America, in prestigious university, in English language.

As I started gaining more confidence in myself during my education journey, I started to add challenges instead of avoiding them. I ended up graduating from the U with honors. I dedicated my honors to my parents who were very proud of me and who were also pleasantly surprised that their daughter that was not very bright, managed to get through all of the challenges and find my own way without anybody’s help. I can say that it was my persistence mainly that made me finish what I started.

Now, I look at all of my past difficulties and appreciate all of the challenges. The immigration itself was a blessing to all of us. It was difficult, it was scary yet it made our lives richer and more interesting. This day, March 29 will be always celebrated in our family. It is my dad’s birthday and it is our family’s 2^nd birthday in a new country.