ahka | Entries tagged with love&logic

I had exactly the same experience with my son when he was 4 when we played candy land. There were a lot of tears and a lot of learning... Here is Dr.Fay's story:

"Do you like to lose? Most of us don't. In fact, some of us dislike it so much that we'll do whatever it takes to make sure that our kids are always winners. When they win this way, they always lose.

I sat on the living room floor, playing a simple board game with our four-year-old, Cody. As we took turns picking cards, the odds seemed consistently in his favor…he was nearing the always coveted goal of being the first to enter Candy Land.

Luck is a fickle friend.

Based on some quick calculations, it was clear to me that doom was on the horizon. His next card was sure to send him back a long way…far from carbohydrate heaven. Tension filled my body. Surely there was something I could do to prevent him from experiencing such despair. Maybe I could distract him and rearrange the cards so that he'd win.

Fighting this desire…I allowed him to be the loser. The tears and crying were heartbreaking. That is, until I remembered that learning about losing is part of life.
Dr. Charles Fay"

Luck is a fickle friend.

Fighting this desire…I allowed him to be the loser. The tears and crying were heartbreaking. That is, until I remembered that learning about losing is part of life.
Dr. Charles Fay"

I get e-mails from Love and Logic with variuos parenting advice. I repost it in my LJ when it seems to be helpful. So, here is one:

"A person who is thinking in one direction can suddenly find himself/herself thinking in a totally different direction when hit with a question.

An example of this happened when Jill said to her teacher, "Well, I wasn't the only one throwing food." Her teacher responded with empathy and a question, "Oh, this is sad. Where are you going to eat now that you can't eat in the cafeteria any more?"

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Harmony Theatre & School -- Children's theater in MN

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Harmony Theatre & School -- Children's theater in MN

I don't have teenagers yet, but I thought to note this suggestion about the traps that teens often put their parents in.

The explanation is pretty long but smart. I am not sure I will remember everything when time comes to apply it. I guess, I have time to memorize it LOL.

Dr. Charles Fay, Love and Logic Institute Inc. 2010 wrote:

"You Don't Trust Me

Does this scenario sound familiar? "The trouble with you is that you just don't trust me. If you did, you wouldn't be asking these stupid questions about where I'm going and stuff." Britney is railing against her mom's wanting some simple explanations about the party Britney and her friends are going to.

We've all heard this ultimate teen manipulation. Britney expects her mom to feel guilty and back off. She's hoping to hear a response like, "Of course I trust you. All I want to know is where you're going to be and … " If this happens, this typical teen can then take mom on a series of "bird walks" until she wears down and gives in while never actually getting the information she was looking for.

Let's give this mom a pat on the back and an extra high five for her response.

"Actually Britney," she says, "there are several issues here. I trust that you are very smart, I trust that you have the best of intentions, and I trust that your short 16 years of life has yet to give you the wisdom to handle all situations."

"Wisdom comes from intelligence combined with experience. So, yes, I trust that your wisdom will come after a lot more experience. Until you've lived long enough to have both wisdom and intelligence, I'll be asking questions so I can share my wisdom and experience."

"You may attend the party when you answer my questions and when I think you have seriously considered my advice. Thank you."

Mom didn't fall for the "You don't trust me" manipulation. You don't have to either."

Harmony Theatre & School -- Children's theater in MN

Current Mood: content

Let's give this mom a pat on the back and an extra high five for her response.

"You may attend the party when you answer my questions and when I think you have seriously considered my advice. Thank you."

Mom didn't fall for the "You don't trust me" manipulation. You don't have to either."

Harmony Theatre & School -- Children's theater in MN

Current Mood: content

Jim Fey from Love and Logic Institute Inc. 2009 wrote:

Are your kids falling into the trap of seeing professional athletes as role models?

I hope you are encouraging them to view these people as great role models for how to play the sport, while at the same time showing them that they may not be good role models for how to lead a responsible life.

Now might be a good time to have a conversation about role models:

"I see you really like the way Tiger Woods plays the game of golf. I bet you like the way he prepares both physically and mentally. He sets a good example for this. Kobe Bryant is also a good role model for competitive basketball playing.

What kind of an example do you think they are setting about how to be a great dad, a loving husband, and an honest, responsible person? Can you think of some good role models for character? Tell me what they do that makes them good role models.

I hope that when you study people you look at their character. If so, maybe you'll never get trapped into believing that being a good athlete, musician, or performer automatically makes you a great person.

My wish for you is that you grow up to be somebody's model for honesty, caring, and responsibility. If so, you won't have to face the public humiliation that Tiger Woods and others have faced when their real character became known."

Not long time ago I was writing about my son and his question "Who is the best person in the world?" It actually made me think of who would be good role models for the kids these days. I thought that Jim Fey made a very good point pointing out that we should look for different role models that teach us different traits that are important to us. It all comes back to our VALUES! What are our values?

For some, religion gives the values and role models, for us who are in between the cracks -- we are in search...

Harmony Theatre & School -- Children's theater in MN