ahka: (Default)
У многих людей, а у русскоговорящих особенно, есть особенность :) "Я всё знаю... вот тебе совет" и как танк....
Иногда, когда эти люди в отчаянии приходят в терапию ("я всем помогаю, а они на меня злятся..." или "я хотел как лучше, а получилось..."), приходится учить быть правдивыми с собой и с другими и практиковаться говорить фразу: "я НЕ знаю." "я НЕ знаю твою ситуацию..." или "я НЕ знаю, но можем вместе разобраться..."(если есть время).
Это "я НЕ знаю" некоторым очень тяжело  произносить.

А вот очень хорошее объяснение проблемы с добротой и помощью...
ahka: (Default)
Yesterday, I listened to a webinar on How To Date Your Husband by S. Y. Rigler. Before I forgot about it and while I have time, I want to save this awesome information for myself and others.

Dr.Rigler stressed out importance of husband-wife relationship. A lot of people and especially women believe that children are more important but that is not true. The most important is the bond between husband and wife.  Here is a visual proof by Chinese wisdom.

Rigler explained that couples must find time once a week or twice a month or once a month or as often as it is possible for both, to go on a date, just husband and wife, away from home.

The goal of this type of date is to bond, so it should not be a movie or a lecture but time to be together, relax and explore each other’s inner world. It could be a dinner but does not have to be, it could be walk in a park, ice-cream parlor, coffee shop, etc…

Spend only first 10 minutes on discussing children, work and home issues and then stop.  Literally, turn an alarm ON!
One rule, make discussion safe from criticism and judgments. So, what to talk about if you can’t discuss kids, work, or problems?
Rigler suggested to use Imaginative, Historical and Feeling questions:
Imaginative Questions: If you won the lottery, what would you do?
If you had 6 months of vacation and $1 million – where would you go and what would you do, how?
If you could change your profession, what would you change it to?
Historical Questions:
What was the most challenging year in your life? Tell me abt it…
What was the happiest year in your life?
Feeling Questions:
How do you feel about (example: parents getting ill/older; kids getting married, going to college, school, your health, someone close to you, life changing event?
I would ask some more questions that I have learned about at my work retreat a month ago.
Reality Questions:
What is on your radar screen of possibilities?
Or what life, career, work, or education possibilities are on your radar?
Desires: What you want and what’s important to you?
What don’t you want? What’s the flipside of that for you?
Ask: “what else?” 3 times for each question above.
ahka: (Default)
Great artistic visual for relationships. Parents and children? Humans and wild animals? Us and our internal child?
This girl, Madie is amazing performer, see Sia's other performances!
ahka: (Default)
Here is the link, for some reason the emebed option does not work here.
Very good cartoon about couple relationships.  It is silent, no language barrier.


ahka: (Default)

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