Teaching kids and us happiness Part 2 of the conference

[ahka]

Teaching kids and us happiness presented by Da-vid Rosenthal.

 Naturally, we are wired to see what we don’t have or what is wrong with things instead of appreciate what we have and what works.  As parents, we must teach kids skill of shifting their attention to appreciation of reality rather than being unhappy about unrealistic future desires and things. 

 The presenter gave an example of a kid who asked parents to buy an iPod and once they bought it, the kid was not happy because now he wanted iPod Touch or something else.  It totally sounded like our story with Mishka and all of the things he wants to have and not paying attention to what he already has. 

 The next part of the session we had a discussion about these 3 questions:

1.    How much would you like to earn to be comfortable?

2.    How much is rich?

3.    Would you like to win a lottery?

These questions brought interesting discussions and when I came home, this was the topic I wanted to discuss with Boris. 

For me, working with my clients who are very poor and who are homeless or get welfare or SSI I am reminded on the daily basis how rich I am in comparison to them.  I also remember time when we came to America and had nothing, plus could not speak any English and were receiving welfare until could get some jobs. 

At that time we did think that only if we knew English we would be happy, only if we would have been born in USA we would be happy.  However, after years of struggle I personally realized that this immigration struggle was the best gift I ever got!!!  Being born and raised in the former USSR was also a gift.  To see a difference between the two worlds and my two lives makes me very happy.  Everything Boris and I have, has been earned by two of us and it makes me feel even prouder and warmer and happier.  It is more then I ever could want.  However, Boris does not see it this way, he keeps complaining that he is not earning enough.

 There are many Myths about being happy:

Myth 1: Rich does not mean happy!!! In fact it has 0 or even negative correlation to happiness.  The more you have the more you want.  Of course, being comfortable to pay for the necessities is important but beyond that, depends what you do with the money.

Myth 2: MTS=moving target syndrome.  If I would have this, I will be happy or if this person would behave this way, I would be happy.  NO!!!! You will never be happy with this theory.

Myth 3: If I would know a secret to happiness, I would be happy.

Myth 4: Opposite of Pain is Pleasure=not true!!!  Opposite of Pain is COMFORT.

Pleasure must be energizing!!! And many times comes through pain.  I just gave an example of a painful times when we just immigrated turned into pleasure of seeing my family today.   Enjoying a week in Mexico on the beach is a temporary pleasure; once you come home you want to go back the next day.  The person who takes vacation to go help build houses for poor in some 3^rd world country might get exhausted physically but energized mentally.

 We need to teach kids to look down and compare our lives with those who are not as fortunate instead of looking up and continuously asking for more and never be satisfied.  We need to teach kids to see the world as a gift, not as a given!  Everything is a gift, our eyes that can see, ears that can hear, our full functioning body, we can walk, touch, eat, smell, we have so much to be thankful for!

 Religious Jews say bracha (prayer) when they go to the bathroom that everything works properly in their body and thank G-d for it.  They thank G-d in the morning when they wake up that they woke up and that their soul came back to them and that G-d believes in each one of us that we will not waste our day.  They thank for the food and drink, for the rain and for the sunshine, etc. 

 The presenter suggested that we bring into our houses a game for everyone to play.  Find time every day and everyone must say what they are thankful for every day and if possible more than once a day.

 We had an interesting discussion about this session at home and I was a little bit upset that it was not embraced as energetically as I wished it would be.  But we did say what we are thankful for.  In addition to many thanks, I was thankful to Boris for letting me attend this conference and taking care of the kids all day by himself. 

 This morning I had a conversation with Michael.  I told him that from now on we will play a thanking game every day.  He immediately asked me if there will be winners and looser in this game.  I did not expect such reaction :).  I asked him what would he like?  He said that he wants to have losers.  So, I told him that the loser will be the one who won’t say what he/she is thankful for.  Then we had a conversation in the car about examples of what we are or might be thankful for.  I will try to play this game tonight during dinner and see how it goes.  I will start writing hopefully every day what I am thankful for! :)