6th Annual National Ted & Dr.Roberta Mann Foundation Symposium

[ahka]

On Wednesday I went to The 6^th Annual National Ted & Roberta Mann Foundation symposium about children and young adults with mental health and learning disabilities.  I have attended this symposium a few times and every time enjoyed it a lot.  They always invite very interesting speakers and have good breakout sessions.  Usually there are over a thousand people in attendance; most of the attendees are teachers, special education teachers, social workers, counselors, psychologists, etc.  It is a very inexpensive way to get continuing education credits to keep up my certification.

 

This time I brought a friend with me and was glad that I did.  We had good conversations about some sessions and shared our insights.  This was a good refresher for me because I was getting frustrated with my kids at home and was in a stupor about what to do even though I used to know it all and practiced it with son and even consulted other parents about it.

Ellen DeGeneres made an appearance at the symposium.  It was unplanned but fun.  I took not a very good picture of her with my cell phone.

Anyway, one of the best sessions that we attended was about Aggressive youth by Stan Davis.  He discussed characteristics of aggressive youth and possible reasons why they are being aggressive.  Of course he discussed about the ways to help these kids reduce aggression and be safe for the people around them.  I am not going to describe the whole session but would refer to his website that has wonderful resources.

What I really liked was his explanation that our kids have privileges that they are not even aware that they are privileges.  Here is his suggestion about the discipline using the privileges:

How can I set up a family discipline program that is consistent and effective? It’s best to

start with no more than five specific house rules that all the adults in the home agree are

important and that apply to everyone. Some examples of house rules are: “No hitting or teasing;”

“Do your homework and your chores on time;” “Follow directions after one reminder without

screaming or whining.” Then make a list of all the privileges your children have, including TV,

phone, rides, clothes of their choosing, video games, and other things you let them do or do for

them. Take out of the list everything that has to be free for the child- those privileges, like

sleeping in a bed or eating, that every child deserves- no matter how they act- without having to

earn them. List the other privileges - at least 12- in order based on how much YOU would be

unhappy if your child did not earn those privileges.

Now you are ready to begin. After you explain the rules and the behavior system to them, every

time children break a house rule they move down one level on the privilege chart. They can now

Stopping bullying and raising responsible, caring children- a guide for parents

have the privileges below that level, but not the ones above. A White board and markers are a

useful tool in making this clear. For young children (age 5-7), allow them to earn back one level

every two days based on behavior. For young people age 8 and above, allow them to earn back

one level each Friday based on behavior through the week. Privileges can be lost at any time, but

only earned back one at a time at these specified times. Avoid warning, threatening, begging,

second chances, arguing, or using anger. Instead, calmly let your child lose privileges every time

he or she breaks a house rule. Remember to give lots of positive attention and spend time playing

with, reading with, and enjoying your child whether she is misbehaving or not. Love does not

have to be earned.

 

I brought this idea home, not entirely but I explained to my son that he has a lot of privileges and listed those to him (TV, DS, Wii, PS, games, computer, iPod, toys, entertainment, etc.).  Also, when he kept asking me to buy something for him or take him somewhere I also mentioned that it was a privilege that needs to be earned.  If he would not behave well, we would have to take his privileges away from him. 

Another thing that I knew but stopped using and totally forgot about was to always give kids 2 choices.  This saved me many times yesterday and this morning with my 2 year old. 

I had a relatively quiet evening with kids using these two simple things that somehow escaped from my parenting tool box.  I guess I need to review my parenting tool box once in a while and refresh my mind.